• If I tell you I love you, can I have you forever?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• I love you so much, if you ever leave me, I’m going with you.
• You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
• I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine’s Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine’s Day.
• Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
• Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
• Falling in love is so hard on the knees.
• Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
• Love is a grave mental disease.
• A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one
• Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
• Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
• A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
• Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.
• Happy Valentine’s Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you’re probably alone. Valentine’s Day is often times a, well, it’s a manufactured day that really doesn’t mean anything.
• It is impossible to love and be wise.
• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
• I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
• Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
• Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine’s Day gift for their mother? Doens’t that freak you out a little? It’s like, ‘I don’t know how to break this to you but I think she’s banging your dad!

Funny valentines day quotes For Married Couples

• Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 
• The secret of a happy marriage is still a secret.
• Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.
• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
• Remember–you can either be happy or right.
• The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
• Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. 
• The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
• A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
• A good marriage is where two people love each other and decide to screw everything up by forcing themselves to stay together through anything. Here’s to your good decision.
•  Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.
• A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
• Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
• My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
• Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
• I not spoken to my wife for 18 months. I did not like to interrupt her.
• I always wanted to take my wife out. So I did. Now I’m in prison.
• The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked,”What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust” 
•  We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.